April 21, 2018

My mistakes, self-doubt and why I do what I do

I’ve started this business, and find myself having moments of feeling like I need to “do it right”…. Well, I am giving parents information on how to parent successfully, right?  I catch myself feeling like people are watching me, wondering if this stuff really works.  I had to take a moment and evaluate what it is I am doing here and why.

What I need to remember, and what I want you to remember, is that kids MUST try things in order to learn them.  It’s not how they act that determines our success (or worth) as a parent.  Rather, it’s how we respond to them that will produce the results in them that are most beneficial.  Things seems to go great for a while and then, BAM!  My children begin to act out in a new and exciting way.  In the moments when my daughter throws a tantrum because she can’t be first, or when my little one is whining continually through the day and I’m too busy to slow down and try to listen to what she is saying or take the time to help her to do it differently……I have moments of self doubt.  Can I really do this?  Let’s remember this.  Our children will investigate, in various ways as they learn about their world around them, and try to make sense of it all.

Parenting is HARD!  I sometimes react the way I know is NOT the best for my kids.  And it’s painful when I do.  One of the reasons that I became so passionate about learning as much as I could about parenting is that I grew up with poor parenting.  I did not have confidence in parenting the way I was parented.  And, in fact, I learned that because of how I was wired, I often reacted in an unhealthy way.  I found myself as a new mom, wondering “what really is best?”.  The way I was raised was clearly not, but what is?  I need to know how to do this!  This question produced an intense desire to seek and find the answers.  And THIS is what I share with other parents.  It is not my opinions or value’s, it is simply the emperical data I’ve found in this quest.

There are many theories and books that tout people’s opinions about what the best type of parenting is.  Sometimes, these opinions contradict each other.  And sometimes these ideas are promoted because it’s what generations have passed down, so it must be right…..well we know that this isn’t true.  So, what I wanted to find is research.  For example, have there been studies on discipline? Yes.  There have been studies that show specific types of discipline styles produce specific types of kids.  So, this should be incorporated into the parenting style that I want to use.  And it is clear is that there are certain things that kids need developmentally to help their little brains, “wire-up” in a healthy way.  There is research that shows, physiologically, the detrimental effects that result due to a lack these things.  So, I want to incorporate this.  And, what about nutrition?  There is ton’s of research that shows the effect of poor nutrition on children’s behavior.  What if we learned all the best types of discipline to use and didn’t understand the importance of nutrition?  Well, we’d probably be wondering why it isn’t working!  So, I want to incorporate this too.

Let me say this.  Psychological research is not always easy to produce.  There are SO many extraneous variables.  We as human beings are not lab rats that can be manipulated to become what our parents want us to become.  Even if they do all of the same things.  The results look different for each and every one of us.  But we can take all of this information that shows statistically significant differences on what works best…..and this will up the chances that we are offering our children every possible advantage in their development in becoming a healthy human being.

I share all of this because I want to be open and real in this process of helping others in their parenting challenges.  I share information that has been researched and is shown to be beneficial and helpful when incorporating it into your own parenting style.  And I am in this right along with you.  In our mistakes and successes, we are all in this together….shaping our future generation.  As we incorporate those things that can help our children to become healthy, happy, responsible and enjoyable people and contributing members of our society, we are giving them the essential tools that they will need to be the best that they can be.

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